Critique zip
by IvoryVinyl
Summary: Hello. I'm trapped in a basement and forced to read fanfiction. These are the transcripts of my "critiques". Now will someone please find me and get me out of here?
1. Half Life - Full Life Consequences doc

**(Beeping)**

**IvoryVinyl:(Half asleep, groaning) Is it time to get up already?**

**(Ivory blindly presses button on laptop.)**

**ROB: (On laptop) Greetings subject.**

**Ivory: (Sitting up) Subject? (Looks at laptop) Why am I talking to an NES R.O.B.?**

**ROB: Because you have been selected to join in a little test of mine. You have been brought here to my testing room.**

**Ivory: This looks like some nerd's basement.**

**ROB: Silence! This experiment is to test a human's limits. I want to see if there is any fanfiction out there that will break someone's sanity.**

**Ivory: (Sarcastically) Well, that sounds delightful. So how are you going to break my sanity, exactly?**

**ROB: Well, you read the fanfiction I find for you.**

**Ivory: Oh. That's not good.**

**ROB: Well, are you ready for the long, painful process to begin?**

**Ivory: Hold on. Long? If I'm going to be here for a while, can I at least have some company?**

**ROB: Very well. Activate those two robots in the corner, and then we will begin.**

**(Ivory walks to corner and turns on robots.)**

**Female robot: Huh? What's going on?**

**Male robot: (To Ivory) Hey! You're not James!**

**Ivory: No, I am not. I'm IvoryVinyl, and ****a R.O.B. has me trapped in here.**

**Male robot: Is he really at it again? That must be why he shut us off.**

**Female robot: (To Ivory) Sorry for all of this. I'm R. Silica and this is my brother R. Tomashun.**

**R. Tomashun: (Raspy voice) We take care of the place while the master is away.**

**ROB: Have you had enough? As I was saying, the story for today is _Half Life: Full-life Consequences_. I hope you kids have fun.**

**Tom: Did he just say-**

**(Alarm)**

**Sil: WE GOT STORY SIGN!**

_Half-Life: Full-life Consequences_

**Ivory: Get it? It's a play on words.**

_John Freeman who was Gordon Freemans brother_

**Tom: Funny Gordon doesn't talk about his brother much.**

**Sil: Probably because he talks like this.**

_was one day in an office typing on a computer._

**Tom: Everyone knows typewriters are so yesterday.**

_He got an email from his brother that said that aliens and monsters were attacking his place and aksed him for help so he went._

_John Freeman got his computer shut down_

**Sil: Does John have trouble shutting down his computer?**

**Ivory: He must be using Windows 8.**

_and wet on the platform to go up to the roof of the building where he left his motorcycle_

**Tom: He must have a good job getting his own parking spot.**

_and normal people close because he was in his office lab coat._

**Ivory: "Don't mess with the coat, son!"**

_John Freeman got on his motorcycl and said "its time for me to live up to my family name and face full life consequences"_

**Sil: That sounds oddly familiar.**

_so he had to go._

**Tom: Nature calls at the worst times.**

_John Freeman ramped off the building and did a backflip and landed._

**Ivory: 8!**

**Tom: 9!**

**Sil: Eh, 6.5.**

_He kept driving down the road and made sure there was no zombies around because he ddint have weapon._

**Ivory: He has rooftop parking, an office lab coat, but no weapon?**

**Sil: He needs to talk to his boss about that.**

_The contrysides were nice and the plants were singing_

**Tom: Like in _Little Shop of Horrors_!**

_and the birds and the sun was almost down from the top of the sky. the mood was set for John Freemans quest to help his brother where he was._

**Ivory: Just like in a Spaghetti Western.**

_John Freeman looked around the countrysides and said "its a good day to do what has to be done by me and help my brother to defeat the enemys"._

**Sil: What has to be done is a running theme for this man.**

_John Freeman was late so he had to drive really fast. A cop car was hiden near by so when John Freeman went by the cops came and wanted to give him a ticket. Here John Freeman saw the first monster because the cop was posessed and had headcrabs._

**All: (Gasp)**

_"I cant give you my lisense officer" John Freeman said_

_"Why not?" said the headcrab oficer back to John Freeman._

**Ivory: "I left it in my other office lab coat!"**

_"Because you are headcrab zombie" so John Freeman shot the oficer in the head _

**Sil: But he didn't have weapon!**

**Tom: I didn't know you can sequence break a fanfic.**

_and drove off thinking "my brother is in trouble there" and went faster._

_John Freeman had to go faster like the speed of sound and got there fast because_

**Ivory: "He was turned into a hedgehog."**

_Gordon needed him where he was. John Freeman looked at road signs and saw "Ravenholm" with someons writing under it saying "u shudnt come here"_

**Tom: The Terminator must have written that.**

**Sil: Well, I'm sold. Let's get out of here.**

_so John Freeman almost turned around_

**Sil: No, John. That was a joke. I didn't mean that.**

_but heard screaming like Gordon so he went faster again._

**Ivory: (Singing) Rolling around at the speed of sound.**

_John Freeman drove in and did another flip n jumped off his motorbike and the motor bike took out some headcrab zombies infront of John Freeman._

**Ivory: 10!**

**Tom: 10!**

**Sil: (Scoff) 5.**

_John Freeman smiled and walked fast. John Freeman then looked on the ground and found wepon so he pickd it up and fired fast at zombie goasts in front of a house._

**Tom: Okay, he's got a wepon. It's not as good as a weapon, but we're back on track.**

_John Freeman said "Zombie goasts leave this place" and the zombie goasts said "but this is our house" and John Freeman felt sorry for them becaus they couldnt live there anymore because they were zombie goasts so he blew up the house and killed the zombie goasts so they were at piece._

**Sil: John Freeman is a dick.**

_Then John Freeman herd another scream from his brother so he kept walking really faster to get where he was. Ravenholdm was nothing like the countrysides there was no birds singing and the pants were dead_

**Ivory: Not the Levi's!**

**Tom: (Sobbing) He fit so well.**

_and teh dirt was messy and bloody from headcrabs._

_When John Freeman got to where the screaming was started from he found his brother Gorden Freeman fightin the final bosss and Gordon said "John Freeman! Over here!" _

**Ivory: "About time! What took you so long!"**

_so John Freeman went there to where Gordon Freeman was fighting. John Freeman fired his bullet from teh gun really fast and the bullets went and shot the final boss in the eyes and the final boss couldnt see._

**Sil: Seriously, John is a huge jerk.**

_Gordon Freeman said "its time to end this ones and for all!" and punched the final boss in the face and the final boss fell._

**Tom: Half Life 2: Known for gravity guns, crowbars, and punching.**

_John Freeman said "thanks i could help, bro" and Gordon Freeman said "you should come here earlier next time" and they laughed._

**Ivory: (Laughing) "I'll kill you in your sleep, Gordon."**

_The laughed overed quickly though because John Freeman yelled "LOOK OUT BRO!" and pointed up to the top of the sky. Gordon Freeman looked up and said "NOO! John Freeman run out of here fast as you can!" _

**Sil: Silly Gordon, no one can run in this fanfic.**

_and John Freeman walked real fast out._

**Sil: See?**

_John Freeman loked back and saw Gordon get steppd on by the next boss and he was mad and angry._

**Tom: And enraged and infuriated and-**

**Ivory: We get it.**

_"I'll get you back evil boss!" John Freeman yelled at the top of lungs._

_to be continued..?_

**Ivory: You make the call!**

**Sil: God I hope not.**

**Ivory: Well R. Tomashun, you seem to know a lot about movies.**

**Sil: Yeah, most of his hard drive is used to download movies.**

**Tom: At least I have a hobby, sis.**

**Ivory: Yeah R. Silica, what do you do in your free time.**

**Sil: I happen to use my free time for something useful.**

**Tom: Oh yeah? Like what?**

**Sil: Um... Well, it's better than... I don't... really have one.**

**Ivory: Tell you what, I'll get a hobby for you while I'm here.**

**(ROB appears on laptop.)**

**ROB: So, are you ready to give up already?**

**Ivory: Actually it wasn't that bad. It had terrible spelling and grammar, but it was actually fun to read just because it was funny.**

**ROB: Well, I'll have to try better next time. Until then.**

**(Laptop turns off.)**

**Ivory: Now, time to find that hobby. Have you thought of reading?**

**Tom: Oh! How about Fifty Shades of Grey?**

**Sil and Ivory: NO!**


	2. Speedy Romance docx

Transcriber Note: The name of the author has been removed to protect the innocent.

**IvoryVinyl:(To R. Silica and R. Tomashun) So you two mentioned this "James" guy. Who is he, and where did he go?**

**R. Silica: James? He's just a regular guy who's stuck in the 90's**

**R. Tomashun: He went to ComiCon for something, but he never came back, I guess.**

**Sil: We've been shutdown for about two weeks according to my logs.**

**Ivory: I imagine what he's going to think when he sees his basement taken over.**

**Sil: I'm sure R.O.B. has taken care of that.**

**Tom: (as ROB) I control the horizontal. I control the vertical.**

**Ivory: I'm sure he does.**

**(Beep on laptop)**

**Sil: You made him mad now, R. Tomashun.**

**(Ivory presses button on laptop)**

**ROB: (On laptop) Good morning to you all. How have you been?**

**Tom: Oh not too bad.**

**Sil: (Sarcastically) Yeah, considering we are trapped in a basement.**

**ROB: Good to hear. I have another story for you.**

**Ivory: Hold on. What keeps me from just saying, "No"?**

**ROB: Nothing if you like listening to ABBA 24/7.**

**(ROB presses button. "Dancing Queen" plays.)**

**Ivory: Turn it off! I'll read! I'll read!**

**(ROB presses button. Music stops.)**

**ROB: Good, now the story is called "Speedy Romance". It's a My Little Pony and Sonic crossover where Sonic and Rainbow Dash share an evening under the stars. Have fun.**

**(ROB presses button.)**

**Ivory: Wait. Can we go back to the ABBA?**

**(Alarm)**

**All: WE GOT STORY SIGN!**

_Speedy Romance  
By _**[Removed]**_(^.~)_

**Sil: "The winking face means I'm fun!"**

**_-One Night...-_**

******Ivory: ********In Bangkok.**

_Sonic and Rainbow Dash were sitting on a picnic style blanket,_

**Tom: Hey Boo-boo! There's a pic-a-nic style blanket, but there's no pic-a-nic style basket. **

_aling with some sandwiches and chili dogs in a basket,_

**Tom: Nevermind, Boo-boo. They brought the pic-a-nic basket aling.**

_staring at the stars, in the front of a Chao pond._

**Sil: The stars must be close if they are in front of a Chao pond.**

**Tom: Ivory, do Chao live in ponds?**

**Ivory: I always thought they were hatched in gardens.**

_Dash was pleased by the scenery._

_"Wow, Sonic. This place isn't half bad. I love the scenery_

**Sil: "I am pleased by it, in fact."**

_and the sky is beautiful! And gotta love these adorable ciao!"_

_"You mean 'Chao'?"_

**Ivory: No Sonic, she was telling you "bye."**

_"Yeah. Chao."_

_It got silent for a few minutes._

**Tom: Witness the romance speeding along!**

_Sonic looked at Rainbow Dash._

_"So.. How was it like..you know.._

**Sil: "Not having to... pause in between... words?"**

_at Wonderbolt Academy?"_

_"It was GREAT! I became a Wonderbolt in training, AND got my Wonderbolt certificate."_

**Ivory: No one cares about procedure at the Wonderbolt Academy.**

_"Dude! Sweet! And you're only gonna get better!" Sonic exclaimed, bro-hoofing Dashie._

**Tom: Why does Sonic have hooves?**

**Sil: And why are they Pewdiepie fans?**

**Ivory: Some questions should not be answered.**

_"Thanks! Speaking of which, how are you and Amy going?"_

**Sil: "Things are going well in the Wonderbolt Academy. By the way, how's your sex life?"**

_Sonic sighed, and looked down._

_"Amy and I...broke up last week."_

_"What?!"_

**Ivory: "I can't understand you with your long pauses."**

_"Yeah.. Remember when we had our friend kiss?_

**Tom: Do friends normally kiss?**

**Sil: I'm not sure. Ivory, come here.**

**Ivory: What? No!**

_Well, Amy sorta saw us in the crowd. Then afterwards, when I got off the stage,_

**Tom: What stage? Where was this at?**

_she began arguing with me. After ten or fifteen minutes.. We had no choice..but to break up."_

**Ivory: What about giving time to calm down and constructively discussing –**

**Sil: No, Ivory. There was no choice.**

_Sonic said, nearly close to crying, as a tear rolled down his cheek._

_"Awww, Sonic, cheer up! Your'e Sonic the Hedgehog, the fastest thing alive, and no copyright law in the galaxy is stopping you._

**Ivory: "We can take down as many Shining Force YouTube videos as we please."**

_At least you still have your best friends. And me._

**Tom: Rainbow Dash considers Sonic an acquaintance.**

_And don't cry. You'll get your chili dog bun soggy!"_

**Sil: It's a good technique for Major League Eating, though.**

_Dash said, drinking the rest of her ice-cold Apple cider through a twirly straw._

_"(Sniff) (Sniffle) I..g-guess your right." Sonic said, wiping his tears away._

**Ivory: What happened to the happy-go-lucky Sonic I used to know?**

_"And if you need anything, let me know. I'll always be there for you."_

_"Thanks.." Sonic blushed._

_Sonic stared in Rainbow Dash's eyes_

**Sil: They were dilated and glazed over.**

_Rainbow Dash smiled, then she came closer to the Blue Hedgehog._

**Tom: To pick the twenty bucks from his pocket.**

_Then leaned on his shoulder. Sonic wrapped his arm around her._

**Tom: To pick the fifty bucks from her pocket.**

_The two looked back up to the stars._

**Sil: Still in front of the Chao pond, I assume.**

_"Sonic..?"_

_"Yeah..?"_

**Ivory: "Are you going blind from the stars too?"**

_"If you don't have a girlfriend, I could be yours.." ^^_

_"Really..? You'd do that..F-for..me?"_

_"Yep. Anything for my true friend."_

**Tom: Sonic even gets friendzoned by his girlfriends. Ouch.**

_"Thanks."_

_The speedy friends gazed into each-other's eyes, as they leaned over._

**Sil: They butted heads against each other and knocked each other out.**

_Rainbow Dash pressed her soft lips against Sonic's. Sonic pulled Rainbow closer._

**Ivory: I guess you can say Sonic is tasting the rainbow. (Chuckles)**

**Sil: No. Just no.**

_Rainbow whimpered and moaned. Sonic slowly ran his fingers through her mane, then the blue pegasus pulled away from Sonic and flopped on the ground._

**Tom: Right on her sandwich.**

_"I'm ready, Ring King."_

**Ivory: I'm not ready.**

_Sonic smiled at Rainbow, then got on top of her, then continued to make out with the pegasus._

**Sil: Please don't, author.**

_Dashie wrapped her hooves around Sonic's neck. Sonic's tongue swirled all around inside Rainbow's mouth._

**Tom: Why do you do this to us, R.O.B.?**

_Sonic licked Rainbow Dash's neck, then slightly grunted, as he licked a little faster._

_The Chao in the background chirped in disgust, and turned away._

**Sil: That guy's got the right idea.**

_"S-Sonic!" Dash whimpered loudly._

**Ivory: To make the pain worse, we used the wrong verbs in selected sentences.**

_Sonic went back up to Dash, then licked her cheek and kissed it. Rainbow Dash smiled, then kissed the blue blur's nose._

**Tom: Right when Sonic sneezed, ruining the moment.**

_Sonic chuckled in a cocky way,_

**Ivory: "Ha ha, I'm so much better than you."**

_then cuddled close to Rainbow Dash. Rainbow Dash wrapped her wings around Sonic as a blanket for him._

**Tom: "Wow, what big wings you apparently have!"**

_"You know, Dash, ever since I saved your life from falling, I always thought you were the cutest of the cutest Pegasi ever."_

**Sil: Helps when she's the only Pegasus you've ever met.**

_"Awwww.. Thanks Sonic."_

_Sonic picked a Rose from a bush next to them, and gave it to Dash. Dash gasped. Then whimpered.._

**Tom: But beside a pond isn't a good place for a rose bush.**

**Sil: Don't bother, R. Tomashun. It won't do any good.**

_"F-for..me?"_

_"Yeah. Want it?"_

**Ivory: "No. I'm allergic to pollen."**

_"Of course I do!"_

_Rainbow Dash put the rose behind her ear._

**Tom: Perfect place for the thorns to stick in you.**

_"Thank you, Sonic!"_

_"No prob. Anything for my new girlfriend."_

_Sonic and Rainbow Dash snuggled together for the rest of the beautiful night._

_Sonic notices that there are tears flowing down her eyes._

**Tom: I told you. Those thorns hurt.**

_Sonic kissed her tears away._

**Sil: He slurped them up?**

_"I love you, Sonic the Hedgehog."_

_"And I love you too, Rainbow Danger Dash. I always will."_

**Ivory: Her parents didn't like her if they gave her Danger for a middle name.**

_Sonic and Rainbow Dash fell asleep.. in 10 seconds flat._

_"..Sonic..."_

_"...Dashie.."_

**_-The E-_**

******Ivory: Well, ********it didn't end properly, but it's still a better story than Sonic '06.**

******Tom: And a better romance too, if I do say so myself.**

**_Not yet!_**

******Sil: You were supposed to be over a long time ago! What now!**

_Amy looked behind a tree, and saw Sonic and Rainbow, sleeping together._

**Ivory: Amy: known for her stalking.**

**Sil: That's actually pretty true.**

_Her eyes got demonic, she clinched her fists, and started huffing and puffing,_

**Tom: And she blew the rose bush down.**

_like she was gonna explode._

_"GRRRRRRRRRRR.. _**_WHERE'S MY HAMMER?!_**_" She yelled fiercely._

**Ivory: Mario took it. He said something about saving Pauline.**

**_-The End.. or is it?_**

******Sil: Why do these stories end with question marks?**

******Tom: I don't know, but I'm calling it the end.**

******(Tom and Ivory sit on blanket, wearing sunglasses. Tom holds a basket.)**

******Tom: Ham or turkey?**

******Ivory: Ham please.**

******Tom: (Giving sandwich to Ivory.) Here.**

******Ivory: Thanks.**

******Sil: (To Tom and Ivory) What are you guys doing?**

******Tom: (With mouth full) Having a picnic.**

******Sil: I get that, but why the sunglasses?**

******Ivory: The stars are bright tonight.**

******Sil: (Turning) What stars? We're insi- AUGH!**

******(Sil falls over from bright light.)**

******Ivory: I warned her.**

******Tom: Yep.**

******(Laptop beeps.)**

******Tom: Could you get that?**

******Ivory: Sure.**

******(Ivory presses button. ROB appears.)**

******ROB: (On screen) Hello, subjects.**

******Tom: (Mouth full) Hey R.O.B. What's up?**

******Ivory: Do you want a sandwich? I'm sorry we only have turkey.**

******ROB: That's quite all right. I called in for an analysis, but I don't see-**

******Sil: YOU DAMN IDIOTS!**

******ROB: Er... Perhaps I should call at a better time.**

******Ivory: No, this is a good time. What did you think R. Tomashun?**

******Tom: Well, the spelling good most times.**

******Ivory: True, but it didn't really explain many things. Like why was Sonic on a stage when he kissed Rainbow Dash?**

******Tom: Yeah. And even though it was a mature rated story, it didn't really seem that mature.**

******Ivory: It even failed to be smutty in the least.**

******Tom: What do you think R. Silica?**

******Sil: HATE!**

******Ivory: That sums it up.**

******Sil: YOU!**

******Tom: Kind of strong wording, though.**

******Sil: ALL!**

******ROB: I see. I'll find something else for you next test. Until then.**

******(ROB presses button. Screen turns off.)**

******Ivory: Got any mayo?**

******Tom: Sure here. (Gives mayo jar to Ivory.)**

******Sil: A little help!?**

******Ivory: In a bit.**

******(Ivory lathers sandwich bread with mayo.)**


	3. Full Life Consequences 2 odt

**(Music plays.)**

**(R. Tomashun and IvoryVinyl stare at speakers with water jets on top connected to R. Tomashun.)**

**R. Tomashun: (Still staring.) What time is it?**

**IvoryVinyl: ...What?**

**Tom: ...What?**

**R. Silica: (Entering room.) Okay guys, let's get ready. R.O.B. is about to... What the hell are you two doing?**

**Tom: ...What?**

**(Music stops.)**

**Ivory: (To R. Tom) Get another track.**

**Tom: Daft Punk?**

**Ivory: Sure.**

**(Music plays.)**

**(Ivory and R. Tom continue staring.)**

**Sil: I don't believe you guys can be sober.**

**(Laptop beeps.)**

**Sil: Anyone going to get that?**

**Tom: ...What?**

**Sil: Fine. I'll get it.**

**(R. Sil pushes button on laptop. R.O.B. appears on screen.)**

**ROB: (From screen.) Hello subjects. Today I have something you might remember.**

**Sil: Let me have it R.O.B. I'm all audio inputs.**

**ROB: Are the other two behind you? What are they looking at?**

**Sil: Ignore them. They can't hear you.**

**Ivory: ...What?**

**ROB: Very well. I'm sure you remember Full Life Consequences. Today, you all shall be looking over the sequel.**

**Sil: So the "To be continued?" at the end was serious?**

**ROB: Unfortunately, for you at least, yes. I hope you enjoy.**

**(R.O.B. presses button.)**

**(Music stops.)**

**Tom: ...What?**

**(Alarm.)**

**All: WE GOT STORY SIGN!**

_Half-Life: Full-life Consequences 2: What Has Tobe Done_

**Ivory: Come on. Tobe didn't do anything that bad.**

**Sil: Are you sure? He wrote this.**

**Ivory: I'll take that back, then.**

_John Freeman walked like speed of light back _

**Tom: Too bad no one could see him.**

_to his motorcycl and left behind the bad place behind him._

**Ivory: Diagram that sentence. I dare you.**

_John Freeman had to ride his motorcycle really fast back to the office but John Freemans gas ran out. John Freeman jumped fast off the motorcycle and landed on dead peoples hands._

**Sil: I have when the government cuts the highway budget.**

_"Gordon Freeman is now these hands... _

**Tom: "He is every single hand I see now."**

_i must kill the next boss and live up to full-life consequences!"_

**Ivory: I said this last time, but I could have sworn I heard that somewhere.**

_John Freeman said out loud._

_John Freeman picked up a laser gun and aimed it at trees to see if he could. _

**Sil: His partial blindness prevents him from seeing trees sometimes.**

_John Freeman shot and tree fell down in front of him. John Freeman seen eggs fall out of the tree and he put them back home safe._

**Tom: John Freeman: Naturalist**

_"These birds dont have to see Gordon Freeman yet. its not time." _

**Ivory: Even after death, you have to schedule appointments with Gordon Freeman.**

_John Freeman said to him._

**Sil: To whom? Death?**

**Tom: He's very easy to negotiate with.**

_John Freeman had to walked faster and was back at his office work and on a computer. He looked on the internet and found the next boss._

**Ivory: This fanfic is brought to you by **

_"I know his weakness now" John Freeman said. And after that he got emails from someone. John Freeman opened up the emails and read them._

**Tom: Okay, Someone. Let's see what your emails say.**

_"Dear John Freeman, how are you? I miss you at home come home safe and soon with Gordon Freeman for thanksgiving dinner. Love mom." _

**Sil: "P.S. I still love to guilt trip you."**

_John Freeman looked at it and got sad and yelled "I WILL KILL THE BOSS AND GORDON FREEMAN WILL BE HAPPY SOUL!" _

**Ivory: He says that with an American flag in the background and the "Star Spangled Banner" playing.**

_then he turned on off the computer and wet on the platform again _

**Tom: I just mopped the platform!**

_down to his other more faster motorcycle that had gas in it this time._

**Ivory: I wonder what the boss's weakness is.**

**Tom: Is it light arrows?**

**Sil: Do you grab his tail and spin him around?**

**Ivory: I'm going to say it's a McRib.**

_John Freeman put the laser gun on his motorcycle and his machine gun and his rocket gun that he found on the side of the motorcycle. He went through traffic and went fast like litning to back to Ravenholm and back to the bad place where Gordon Freeman was. John Freeman went off road and did backflips and landed on back wheels but kept going too._

**Sil: He landed on the back wheels, including his training wheels.**

_John Freeman went really fast again like before and was soon back again at Ravenholm but saw more zombie goasts. _

**Tom: "We meet again, zombie goasts!"**

_John Freeman said to them "Zombie goasts i have killed your friends at the old house and i dont want to shoot your heads. move near the countrysides and you will be friends of John Freeman." _

**Ivory: Terrible proposition, John.**

_The zombie goasts said that "no we will kill you" and walked fast to John Freemans_

**Sil: John Freemans? Dammit, I can hardly endure one.**

_motorcycle._

**Sil: Oh, thank God. It was just a typo.**

_John Freeman waited until they were in front of his motorcycle and backflipped off his bars and shot heads below and landed and walked fast to where the next boss was. "you will be one of us!" yelled the dead zombie goasts. John Freeman laughed and shot a rocket at them._

**Ivory: Did Michel Bay help direct this, because that was awesome, but made no sense.**

**Tom: This is actually the first script to Transformers.**

_John Freeman saw the next boss far down the road and walked slow this time. _

**Ivory: Once again, just like a Spaghetti Western.**

_He walked really slow like a turtle and sat down on a rock and watched the next boss near the dead last boss and where the place that Gordon Freeman was. _

**Sil: Sentence structure? What's that?**

_The next boss was laughing at John Freeman so John Freeman said "YOU WILL NOT LAUGH AT ME!" _

**Tom: John takes things personally.**

_and shot a rocket at him since that was his weakness._

**Sil: That was his weakness?**

**Tom: Anyone could have guessed that.**

_The next boss died and John Freeman was happy. He walked over to the dead bosses and put them under the ground and planted pants on them so instead of messy dirt and dark there was pretty things there now to be happy._

**Ivory: "Them Wranglers make e'rything purtty."**

_John Freeman walked to where Gordon Freeman was lying dead and crushed from the next bosss feet and looked down. A tear droped out of John Freemans eye and landed on Gordon Freeman._

**Tom: And now, a touching moment by John Freeman.**

_"You are dead bro and i killed the evil boss." John Freeman told Gordon Freeman_

_Then John Freeman saw something bad. A headcrab was on Gordon Freeman! Gordon Freeman standed up and said "John Freeman... _

**Sil: "I was just messing with you, bro. I've been okay this whole time! Let's go home now."**

_you got here slow and now i am zombie goast. you will pay..."_

**Ivory: "A subscription fee to play online, because you bought a used game."**

_to be continued...?_

**Sil: Please don't tell me there's more.**

**Tom: But what happened to John?**

**Ivory: He probably just walked fast out of the danger zone.**

**Ivory: So you guys think that this is what it would be like if Michael Bay and Tommy Wiseau did a movie together?**

**Sil: Probably.**

**Tom: You are tearing me apart Gordon!**

**Ivory: The author is tearing me apart. That's for sure.**

**Sil: I could actually go for some testosterone fueled action sequences right now.**

**(Laptop beeps.)**

**Ivory: Hold that thought.**

**(Ivory presses button on laptop.)**

**ROB: So, how does the sequel match up to the original?**

**Sil: Well, it met expectations.**

**Tom: Hey, at least it has that much going for it.**

**ROB: No slipping of sanity?**

**Ivory: Just face it. Nothing's going to get to us.**

**ROB: You say that now, but you only just started. Until next time.**

**(R.O.B. presses button. Laptop shuts off.)**

**Ivory: Anyway, you said you could go for testosterone fueled action, and I can go for a bland love triangle romance. Let's watch Pearl Harbor.**

**Sil: Alright!**

**Ivory: Let's go!**

**Tom: I love Alec Baldwin!**


End file.
